Can My Daughter "Handle" Mommy Going Back to Work?

I never intended to be a Stay at Home Mom.  I had planned on getting a Nanny or sending my children to daycare.  I had a good job and financially it made no sense to quite.  Well, someone else had another plan.

A week after I announced I was pregnant my manager informed me that my position had been eliminated.  I would work on a special project until I went on maternity leave and when I came back I would be laid off with a severance package.  I was angry, my husband was elated.  I traveled a lot for work and he didn't think I would want to travel after I had the baby.

As much as I hate to admit it. he was right.  Medically speaking my daughter has given us a run for our money since she was conceived.  Just around 3 months I was put on modified bed rest and eventually delivered 6 weeks early after my water broke at 32 weeks.  She had a lot of issues that no one could explain and I was constantly worried about her.  My company kept me on part time for 6 months after I came back from maternity leave and I hired someone to look after my daughter.  The problem was I couldn't leave her alone with her.  I was afraid she would have trouble breathing or some other issue and she wouldn't know how to handle it.

Shortly after I lost my job, my husband lost his.  It seemed to make sense that I would go back to work and he could stay home.  I wasn't ready for that either.

Now my daughter is 5 and will be entering Kindergarten next year.  I feel like if I don't go back to work now, anything that is relevant in my career will be totally obsolete.  I haven't worked in 3 + years and already things have changed.  People pay less and want more.  Social media is king and I am competing with thousands of people who are out of work.  A Stay at Home Mom who hasn't worked in 3 years (well, ok 4) really doesn't stack up to the recent college grad or the recently laid offer person with more recent experience.

But can my daughter handle me going back to work?  I don't know.  I know she couldn't have handled it up until now.  Well, correction.  She couldn't have handled daycare.  I would have had to have a babysitter come to the house.  That is what I will have to do again.

I know I am not alone in this dilemma.  Every parent struggles with the balance of working and family.  I feel like my scale is starting to tip in the favor of working.  After all kids only get more expensive as they get older and is she better off getting the extra things she will need to succeed in life vs. a parent that is around to give her an after school snack?

Maybe I should be asking the question?  "Am I ready to go back to work?".  Am I ready to accept the exhaustion that comes with going to bed late, getting up early, and having to be "ON" all day?  Racing home from a busy day to rush and make dinner, do laundry and clean the house?  Spend quality time with my daughter after 6 when she is beat?  Run errands on the weekend?  NO I AM NOT!  But I don't think anyone really is......

It is safe to say it will be an adjustment but one most families go through and survive.